How to Get the Most from your Coaching Sessions
Congratulations! You've made a decision to invest in yourself, to learn more about your ADHD brain, and to gather (and practice) ADHD tools and strategies in order to improve the (executive) functioning of your life.
However, ADHD coaching is so much more than that. Coaching is a partnership between coach and client where the client (you) comes to a safe and non-judgmental space to work through things that may be holding you back. In addition to executive function weaknesses, barriers to living your best life may include things like limiting beliefs, anxiety and emotional dysregulation, mindset, lack of clarity, resistance, and so much more…Coaching is usually goal oriented, but a goal may be as simple as getting clarity on something or understanding yourself better. Don’t hold back because you aren’t sure if something is in the purview of coaching. Your coach (me) will let you know if it feels like something that would be better dealt with by a therapist or doctor.
So feel free to open up and be honest and I'll do my best to witness that honesty and reflect back possibilities and opportunities.
Session structure:
While a session may often seem loose in structure, a good coaching session will include a focus that’s important to you. I will ask questions that may elicit a deeper knowledge or understanding of yourself.
There are certain questions I may ask that are designed specifically with the ADHD brain in mind: How will you remember? (working memory), What would that look like? What would be different? (seeing future self, time blindness), Is that true? How do you know? (limiting beliefs, all or nothing thinking), and How is that serving you? (negative self-talk and self-image). Feel free to ask me about my process or why I might ask a certain question. Metacognition (thinking about your thought process or learning process) is encouraged!
Below, I outline an overview of a typical adult ADHD coaching session structure*. A particular session may not look exactly like this, and that’s okay. We go with the flow and what your needs are.
*Student sessions may look a little different. There may be more direction, academics, and accountability involved.
I will usually ask you about wins or things that went well at the beginning of our sessions. Why? Because those of us with ADHD are especially prone to negative images of ourselves. Negative self-talk, rumination and self-esteem issues are common with ADHD because we forget or we don't focus on our positive aspects and things we do well (success amnesia). Grounding and anchoring those wins and successes are key in building up our self-image and help us to replace negative self-talk with more positive (and realistic) images of ourselves.
Typically, I’ll spend a little time asking you how things we worked on in the previous session are going. What worked well? What got in your way? Sometimes, we may spend another session or two on the same problem if need be. Don’t forget, these changes take time, commitment and PRACTICE.
Next we’ll want to zero in on a specific focus for the session or come up with something in particular you’d like to work on. If you come to each session with something in mind, our session will likely be more productive. I might also ask you what would be a good outcome from our session. Outcomes may be hard to come up with on the spot…so this is why filling out the session prep form ahead of time can be useful. An outcome might be, “I’d like to come away with some steps I can take to overcome my overwhelm” or “I’d like to get some clarity on this issue” or “I just want to understand myself and the situation better.” An outcome might also be a lot more specific, “I want to come away with three action steps I can take this week to keep up on my planning and scheduling" or "I want to figure out the first step I need to take in a big project."
As we go deeper, you may need to verbally process something in order to know how or what you think about it. We may need to find out what you are doing now and what has worked in the past and what hasn’t. We might need to figure out what are the barriers to your situation. There may be some limiting beliefs or mindset changes that need to take place before you can implement tools and strategies. In this part of the session, I may teach some ADHD brain education or tell you about some strategies that have worked for me or my other clients. Keep in mind that we tend to hold onto and use things better that we come up with ourselves. Every tool and strategy needs to be customized and tailored to your needs. That’s why it’s always best for you to come up with the tool, although you may need some examples to spur your own imagination. In this part of the session, I will be "witnessing" and reflecting. Sometimes I may mirror back to you what you said for clarification or I might add something that I see under the surface. This part of the session is like a dance.The latter part of the session will be activating what we’ve come up with. What actions can you take away to try out or practice? How will you remember these things? What might get in your way? What support do you need? How does this support your goals?
How will you remember what we talked about in a session?
I suggest you bring a notebook to sessions and take notes, or record the sessions on a voice to text recorder, and/or ask me to record the session and send it to you. I’ve been playing around with AI recordings and summaries and some clients really like it. If you’d like to try this, ask me about it because I’ll need to get your permission.
What if the session doesn’t look like the above structure?
Don’t worry if a session doesn’t go completely as planned or doesn’t fit the perfect structure. We may end up straying in search of something. Remember, coaching is a planned PAUSE, and those of us with ADHD will benefit from any pausing and self-reflection we can do.
What if I’m confused or uncomfortable with something in a session?
Coaching is client centered and a partnership. If something needs to change in sessions, please bring it up and let’s talk about it. I’m open to structuring sessions to fit your needs if it fits into my coaching philosophy. Also, please let me know the level of accountability you’d like. Some clients don’t want accountability from a coach and others crave and need it. This is something that can also be fluid as we move along in the process.
How long should a coaching relationship last?
As long as you want! I have long-term clients and I have clients who come for three months. It’s important to give the PROCESS enough time though. Three months would be the minimum I would recommend, but usually six months to a year is needed to really see major changes. It depends on what you want. Major life transformations will take longer. Just coming for some executive functioning tools and ADHD education and strategies might be a shorter commitment. Student coaching is usually a longer commitment. Students might take much longer to learn the needed skills and anchor their transformation and may need ongoing accountability.
Whatever your goal, you’ll need to practice, tweak, sparklize and resparklize. We'll need to talk through what works and what doesn’t. We may need to work with your strengths, values, and needs in addition to your ADHD brain. This is life coaching, but through an ADHD lens.
What if I’m not seeing the results I’d like?
What you do IN BETWEEN sessions is where the magic happens. Are you doing the work? Practicing the pause? Trying out new things and seeing what gets in the way? Are you becoming more self-aware in the moment? Remember, it takes time to build new habits and for ADHDers it takes even longer. Try not to beat yourself up because you’re not changing fast enough (this may not even be true, might be part of that negative self-image) and give yourself plenty of self-compassion. Coaching is not meant to be one more thing you HAVE to do or one more thing that’s HARD. I’m here to help you get to know yourself better and to help you clarify your needs, wants, and desires and then FIGURE OUT how to achieve them. These things don’t happen overnight, so give yourself a break and live your life as a journey.
HOUSEKEEPING:
Please allow 24-hours notice when canceling or rescheduling if you can. I understand emergencies happen (they happen with me too!) and so just give as much lead time as you can. I will give no-shows one free pass, and after that, I will have to charge for the session.
Please pay your fee before a session (or right after is fine) or book a package in advance. (If you are having financial difficulties, please let me know and we may be able to work something out.)
Most of you are coming once a week, and some, every-other week, but if you need to change the frequency, feel free to bring it up with me. I usually recommend once per week in the first few months, and then it’s up to you after that. If for time constraints or financial reasons, you need another schedule, please talk to me and we’ll work it out.
If you need to take a break from coaching or you want to fly-free on your own, please let me know. If it's for financial reasons or time constraints, we might be able to work something out. It's also good for me to know what your plans are as I sometimes have waiting lists for new clients. Whatever you end up doing, a great way to send you off on your own is to have a wrap-up session to talk about what you are taking away from coaching and what you still want to work on going forward.
Check-ins are part of my coaching practice. Texts and email check-ins from you are also welcomed and included in my price. Let me know the best way to check in. And please let me know if you don’t check email or if you have problems texting folks back (might be something we need to work on in a session? )
Give it your best shot to try and fill out the session prep form. It's not required, but I find it really helpful to focus the session. And typically, most clients, when they get around to doing it, find it useful. Many say it helps them to think about their week in a way they wouldn’t otherwise do. Again, not required, and I know we all have busy schedules, so no guilt please!
