My life began to change after my first session with my ADHD coach when she introduced me to the concept of Pause, Ponder, Proceed. Subsequently, I learned the real power of the pause from my teachers and mentors during my training at ADDCA (ADD Coach Academy). This simple, yet powerful tool has since been expanded into my own mindfulness practice and has become a key strategy I teach to my coaching clients. Pausing with intention can be a life altering experience, especially once the tool becomes a habit. In the beginning, you may need a prompt (a visual or tactile way to remember like a sticky note or a ring) to remind yourself to pause, but with practice, it is possible for pausing to become second nature even to us ADHDers. Pausing can be used for anything from the most banal daily tasks to the most complex emotional thoughts. The pause helps us choose where to put our energy and focus.

How to use pausing in daily practice.

Always forgetting things? Practice pausing before going out the door, getting out of the car, leaving work, or making any daily transition. Pause and ask yourself: Do I have everything I need? Prompts can be used to help you get into the habit. Some ideas for prompts could be a Post-it note on your front door, a white board, photographs, drawings or graphics, a necklace or ring that you touch, painting your fingernails a bright color (thanks to one of my creative clients for this prompt), rhymes, or an alarm on your phone. Once you practice pausing for a while, you may not need the prompts any longer. But don’t forget to resparklize (change up the prompt before your brain gets too used to it) those prompts until it becomes a habit. 

Pause for change. When trying to change a habit that may not be serving you well, i.e. going to bed too late, or when implementing a new habit such as building a better morning routine, pause and pay attention to what is going on at the moment you find yourself stuck. Ask yourself: What is getting in my way? What is something that I can do to get over this hump, or get started, or make something easier or more fun? When we know what is stopping us from making progress on something, we can better implement tools and strategies that will help us. 

Pause to reframe. Reframing can change the way you experience a particular situation. You can also learn to reframe beliefs that might not be serving you well, or might not even be true. Pausing and asking yourself if your feelings or beliefs are true, or if there is a different, more beneficial (or creative) way of looking at a problem or an experience can help you move forward when negative emotions or limiting beliefs have you stuck. Reframing is not lying to yourself or pretending: reframes must be authentic to work; but most of the time, when you pause and examine your current reactions, you’ll find that they are not necessarily true, or at the very least, that there are healthier ways to interpret the situation. 

Pause to become more self-aware. This is one of the most powerful ways to use the pause. Taking the time to stop and think about what you are thinking about puts you on a path towards better “emotional intelligence.” In coaching we often use the phrase, “name it to tame it.” Becoming more aware of our thoughts, emotions, and what’s getting in our way is the first step to changing things that are not serving us well. When we pause to become more self-aware, we can interrupt negative thoughts and ruminations that are keeping us from moving forward.

Pause to identify barriers. This is much like pausing to become self-aware, but a bit more focused. When something isn’t working—a tool, a plan, or when you can’t get started on a project—stop and ask yourself: “What is getting in my way?” Is it fear, overwhelm, distractions, lack of interest, lack of clarity, etc.? Only then can you apply the proper strategy that will help you move forward in a particular situation. 

Pause impulsivity. Yep, we all know the embarrassment of blurting out that inappropriate comment. Or the irritation colleagues, family, and friends can experience when we perpetually interrupt them. But impulsivity can show up in much more detrimental ways. Our impulsivity can be the cause of overspending, overeating, substance abuse, and risky behaviors. It can be the cause of making a decision too quickly that you come to regret. Pausing and asking yourself: “How is this serving me?” can be a great tool to interrupt the impulsivity that is a symptom of many with ADHD.

Pause to assess boundaries. Enforcing, or even knowing, our boundaries can be really hard for many neurodivergents (and many neurotypicals as well!). Learn to pause and pay attention when your body is telling you a boundary is being broken. (I usually get a “pit” in my stomach.) What is this feeling telling you? You may not have defined your boundaries well for yourself and for others and your body is telling you something important. Learn to pause before committing to something. Learn that it’s okay to say “I need to think about this.” During your pause, ask yourself these two questions: “Do I want to do this?” and “Is this good for me?”

Pause to refuel. Pausing to breathe or take a break can help refuel your tired ADHD brain and replenish your cognitive reserves or “body budget.” People with ADHD get depleted much faster than our neurotypical peers because it takes so much more energy for us to do most things. Pausing to breathe, relax, take a walk in nature, take a nap, meditate, eat a healthy snack, or exercise can add back to our body/cognitive budget and help us get back to our day. 

Remember when pausing, get curious and drop your current story. Examine your thoughts, emotions, and actions with loving kindness and always with self-compassion. When the practice of pausing starts to become second nature to you, you will notice a shift in your life and a new way of looking at yourself.